Thursday, February 19, 2004

Why? Really. Why?
I was strolling thru the supermarket aisle today, and I came across what is surely a sign of the coming apocalypse.
Or, if not the apocalypse, at least the next futile salvo in the Cola Wars.

Caffeine-Free Mt. Dew, and Caffeine-Free Dr. Pepper.

WHY? In what twisted California Shopping Mall are the marketing subjects so in-bred that they colored in the circle on their card next to "Hey, I'd buy this!".

Next to JOLT! Cola, these are the two Brands most recognized, and desired, for their Caffeine Content!

What? Did they talk to some Soccer-Mom waiting on the bench at the BMX track?

"Oh, My Boy Zachary can really kick out some Wild 360s, and he just learned how to pull off a Flying Wallie with a double Half-Doogie. But he tends to be jittery, and can't hold still enough to maintain a nose-stand. I wish I could put him on another kind of pill or something."

Mom, I got news for you. Get your boy laid, or give him some Pot. He'll calm down for you. Really. He won't get all paranoid like you and Dad used to if he knows the Pot comes from you. But whatever you do, don't try to Re-Do his Dew!

On another note, I'm really digging the White-Chocolate Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. I'm glad that they're going to be a regular item now.

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