Wednesday, March 24, 2004

I came in to tell you about what a great Movie Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind is.
Excellent. Another great Charlie Kauffman mind-blower script. Maybe all Hollywood needs to get Philip K. Dick done right for once is to have Charlie Kauffman do the treatment.

I offer this hint to people who have trouble following the scenes in the film. I know the non-linear storytelling with myriad multi-layered flashbacks and lucid dream reinterpretations of memories had my movie buddy Eric confused. Look at Kate Winslet's hair color in her scenes. It changes back and forth from Blue to orange to blue to green to orange to blue to green, etc. If you lay out the story chronologically, her hair color goes from green to orange to blue. This will help you figure out when you're in flashback and when you're in real time.

Now I have to address this problem of why my blog entries from the last two days have vanished, and why I'm missing many other days as i look back over the last six months or so. I swear that I've been writing in this blog every day, but now there are missing entries. And when I look at the photos on my walls, I get that feeling like when I forget to wear my watch, but still look at my bare wrist to check the time.

Sunday, March 21, 2004

Yesterday, I'm at our local dead mall to check for money in my POB, and to my surprise there were other people in the place. Well, it was a Saturday afternoon, and maybe the $2 theater was actually showing something that somebody wanted to see. So as I'm walking past the gumball machines near the exit, there are two boys, around 13 or 14, hanging out on the bench there. They were dressed in current hip-hop fashion, with the shiny new sneakers, so we aren't talking destitute kids here.

As i walk by, one says "excuse, me," and even thoughI could smell his huge wad of gum from ten feet away as soon as he opened his mouth, I acknowledged him, because he at least said "excuse me".

"Do You have a quarter?"

I'm thinking. What is with kids today, if they will stoop to begging from a stranger, while wearing $100 sneakers? If they were truly poor kids, they were poor kids with parents with their priorities out of whack.

I felt like saying "Yes. I have a quarter. Do you have a Mother? Get a quarter from her."

I mean it's not like the kids were standing next to the payphone, looking distraught and needing to call home quickly. I'd gladly loan somebody money for a phonecall if it looked like an emergency, or a stranded kid. I'd even welcome them, perhaps, as a fellow soldier in the war against the pervasive presence of cell phones. But these kids were just lounging by the gumball machines, chewing away at their latex cuds.

I made a judgement call, and said, "No. You'll just throw it all away on Gum."

Somebody needs to teach these kids a lesson.

You don't hang around the dead mall and beg for stray quarters. You go across the highway to the busy mall, and get more volume!

Or you set yourself up a paypal site, and beg electronically.

Donations to help this struggling cartoonist pay off his car insurance this week can be sent to paypal ID:

(I'm only wearing $30 sneakers, and they are the same Chuck Taylors I've been wearing for almost a year now. Please help.)

Saturday, March 20, 2004

Aah! Spring!
What Have I hated most about this winter? My shampoo has had the consistency of Jell-O almost every morning. The Window sill in my Shower is one of the worst insulated areas of my House. I guess it's partly a side effect of venting all the humidity from the shower. As a result, my shampoo often congeals, as if it's been kept in the refrigerator all night. It doesn't help that this window is on the Northern face of the House, and thus never gets direct sunlight.

When the shampoo turns into this semi-solid, it's hard to squeeze out a proper dollop, and often the glops I get bounce or slide off my wet palm before I can get it up to my head.

Last week, we had a warm spell, and I was relieved the first morning when I could easily pour out a proper serving of shampoo. But this week, it's been cold again, and it's been back to washing my hair with Jell-O.

I suppose I might not have this problem if I went with a shampoo that cost more than a buck-twenty-five a bottle. But, other than the little problem of the consistency, I am very happy with my White Rain. And even though I shampoo at least six times a week, I rarely use more than one bottle a year. It's a good shampoo value.

I find it a tad ironic that a shampoo would have a brand name that is a homophone for the ultimate skinhead goal, though.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Happy St. Patrick's Day! The day we all get to pretend we're Irish. We go out, get drunk, and our neighbors get bombed.

But the hell with that Catholic Snake Charmer. Let's talk about what's really important.

Why don't they make Richie Rich comic books anymore?
Oh, the way he would go around buying all kinds of fantastic things, encrusted with jewels! And how he would invite his poor trailer trash friends, Freckles and Pee Wee, over to play with all of Professor Keenbean's inventions!
PeeWee never spoke, but if he did, I'm sure he would say, "Oh, Please, Richie Rich, can your stiff-lipped English Butler, Cadbury, bring us some tea and crumpets whilst we lounge in front of your 50-foot wide Television Device and see Our Mom beat up our Dad on the Jerry Springer show?"

Richie was also a very diplomatic Lover, too. He never said a thing to his girlfriend Gloria about her obscenely large head, big New Jersey hair, and thick ankles.

Richie was very kind and grateful to his parents. He was thankful they didn't abort him, like they had to do with his older brother, Casper.

Apparently Regina Rich's sister also had an abortion. it must have been a common thing in that family, for Hot Stuff The Little Devil was clearly the tormented soul of Reggie VanDough's older sibling. You will remember Reggie as Richie Rich's mean, jealous cousin.

I'm sure that if the Harvey Kids were still published today, Little Dot would be in therapy and drugged up to cure her obsession with polka dots, and Little Lotta would be on Atkins.

The real tragedy is that without a regularlt published comic, the multi-national staff of the various Rich Households has been forced into unemployment. Au Revoir, Chef Pierre!

I'm sure that if Richie Rich Comics were still published today, The World's leaders would still love the U.S., and John Kerry wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

Friday, March 12, 2004

I am saddened by the deaths in Madrid.

I hope, for the sake of any innocent Basque people, and for the sake of The cartoonists at NAPARTHEID, some of whom I've met at the ICAF and SPX shows, that the Basque Separatist terrorists of ETA are not found to be involved.

That being said, this cartoon, which is the gateway into NAPARTHEID's website,, has rather sinister implications today to somebody who cannot read the Basque language. Scroll over the chained figures, and they seem to be laughing.

I have sometimes wondered if there were any ties between NAPARTHEID and any radical separatist activities. I can't read most of what is printed in the few zines of theirs I've received, but their mascot seems to have a predilection for throwing cartoon bombs.

For all I know, they could be strong supporters, and perhaps sponsors of terrorist activities, or they could simply be politically active, and no more threatening physically than American punk kids who publish "Fight The Man" type zines.

But an outsider, unfamiliar with their language, and having to judge by the visuals in light of yesterday's tragedy, could be led to draw the wrong conclusion, couldn't he?

Thursday, March 11, 2004

I was checking on my statistics for the different pages within my site, and I had a spike of 72 unique visitors last wednesday, with 45 on Thursday to my "Evil Dr. Palindrome" cartoon page.

i wonder if it got mentioned on some blog.

usually, if I check on the "referrers" tab, it will show a strong percentage of people coming in from a site that wasn't on the list before. But the list shows no spikes referring sites other than the usual, and i didn't promote the cartoon i posted last week.

Sure, the palindrome last week was about Jesus, and i'm not surprised that it got more attention than usual. But I wish i knew where the hits were coming from. If some radical Christian group has put a price on my head, I'm sure my "referrers" page would show their site. And i would be getting a few Hate e-mails, like I do whenever I publish or promote my chick parodies.

The weird thing, is My "Miscellaneous Gag" last week was also about Jesus, and it only got 3 hits. I guess I need to do better promotions about the "Miscellaneous gag of the week"

(No, I didn't post a Jesus "f-ARTjoke" last week. Even i will draw the line somewhere.)

I'm puzzled.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

I've been away for awhile because I've been putting together a new comic.
PEEPS et BEANS is a sweet satire, suitable for all but the youngest of readers, and just in Time for Easter.
I put up a feature on my website that details the production of this new comic. Check it out.

I saw Hidalgo today. Great Film. Timely too, in how it looks at Arab Culture, and highlights some elements of that culture that had been around for centuries, and are still present over 100 years later, today. Plus I couldn't help noting that I was sitting in a theater watching an American race across Iraq on horseback about a year to the day after I was watching Americans on TV race across Iraq in Armored vehicles.

The theater next door to mine was showing The Passion of The Christ, and the theater lobby had several tables with various pieces of Christian Literature available. As I left my theater, some clergy members were also present, inviting discussion of Mel Gibson's film. I found myself wishing I had a couple of my Chick Tract parodies handy, to slip them onto the literature tables.

The movie I'd just seen had strong elements of both ISLAM and Native American Spiritualism. As i walked past those tables of literature, I wondered why so many people can accept the story of Christ, and other tales from the Bible as truth unquestioned, and in the same breath treat Islamic or native American, or Buddhist, Hindu, or whatever other beliefs as pure myth and falsehood.

Anyway, on the way out, i passed a group of folks waiting in line, and I pointed to the Hidalgo poster, and said to them, "That was a very good film. Part Indiana Jones, part Dances With Wolves, part Gunga Din, and all good. If you're here to see a great movie, go see Hidalgo, folks."

They looked at me with a look that said, "Get Thee Behind me, Foul Tempter!"

That was when I realized that I had my button on my jacket that says, in bold red letters, "DEVIL".

True Story, Swear to God.

Monday, March 01, 2004

It's March 1st, Ladies, Where The Hell are You?

Yes, another Leap Day has come and gone. Why am I still single? This makes ten leap days I've survived; It's six since I was of dating age. Where are all these love-crazy girls that should be beating down doors on every February 29th? The ones trying so desparately to find a Single Guy who's not gay, and propose to him on their one chance in every four years?

What? Am I some kind of Troll? I'm Tall, Broad Shouldered, and Kind of Handsome with my distinguished Gray. Apparently hookers and strippers like me, why don't love-crazy girls notice me?

Okay, i understand that with the Oscars last night, the kind of girl who'd probably go for me was holed up in front of the TV clutching her Broadsword and counting all the Thank Yous to the people in New Zealand. So I'm willing to extend a Grace period of a couple days, women.

Don't you want a guy who'd be happy to stay at home and cook for you while you pursue your career?
All i ask is room for my Art studio, and a Cable Modem connection.

So you have until tomorrow night. After that, I'm back to only looking for a Hump-buddy until Feb 29, 2008, do you Understand? So call now. But don't call between 8 and 10 PM, unless you can make it during a commercial. ( and if you can "make it" during a commercial, you must be easy to please. just my type!)