Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Happy St. Patrick's Day! The day we all get to pretend we're Irish. We go out, get drunk, and our neighbors get bombed.

But the hell with that Catholic Snake Charmer. Let's talk about what's really important.

Why don't they make Richie Rich comic books anymore?
Oh, the way he would go around buying all kinds of fantastic things, encrusted with jewels! And how he would invite his poor trailer trash friends, Freckles and Pee Wee, over to play with all of Professor Keenbean's inventions!
PeeWee never spoke, but if he did, I'm sure he would say, "Oh, Please, Richie Rich, can your stiff-lipped English Butler, Cadbury, bring us some tea and crumpets whilst we lounge in front of your 50-foot wide Television Device and see Our Mom beat up our Dad on the Jerry Springer show?"

Richie was also a very diplomatic Lover, too. He never said a thing to his girlfriend Gloria about her obscenely large head, big New Jersey hair, and thick ankles.

Richie was very kind and grateful to his parents. He was thankful they didn't abort him, like they had to do with his older brother, Casper.

Apparently Regina Rich's sister also had an abortion. it must have been a common thing in that family, for Hot Stuff The Little Devil was clearly the tormented soul of Reggie VanDough's older sibling. You will remember Reggie as Richie Rich's mean, jealous cousin.

I'm sure that if the Harvey Kids were still published today, Little Dot would be in therapy and drugged up to cure her obsession with polka dots, and Little Lotta would be on Atkins.

The real tragedy is that without a regularlt published comic, the multi-national staff of the various Rich Households has been forced into unemployment. Au Revoir, Chef Pierre!

I'm sure that if Richie Rich Comics were still published today, The World's leaders would still love the U.S., and John Kerry wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

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