Ma's story rots, Sam.
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
HEY, LOOKIT WHAT I FOUND!
Fun Fact: SMUT is a fungus that grows on corn.
Click on the pic for a slightly larger version.
f-ARTjoke
The Boulevard of Broken Wind
(inspired by Nighthawks by Edward Hopper)
If the concept behind f-ARTjoke is unclear to you, please read the first entry of this block.
MODOK The Menace......by BenT
MODOK! Come Home This Instant!
How many times do I have to tell you
not to bother Mr. Wilson when he's gardening?
Welcome, everybody to a New direction in my On-Line presence. For the last couple years, I've been maintaining a geocities site to promote my artwork, but I think more people will be able to access my stuff if I put it out in blogspace, so now when I have a new cartoon for you, you'll find them here. I'll still maintain my storefront in the Geocities space. Go there and buy some comics. I need the money!
Until I get my scanner working again, I'll treat you to some pieces from my Archives that you might not have seen before.
This one is from a series I did called "MODOK The Menace" for George Tarleton's zine, The Journal of MODOK Studies.
(get a copy from Last Gasp here: http://www.lastgasp.com/d/23811/ )
It's a parody of Dennis The menace, with MODOK (the Marvel Comics Villain) as a hateful young child. Of course Henry and Alice Mitchell will always be seen only in their AIM suits.
The Evil Dr. Palindrome!
Dr. Palindrome was born with a bizarre speech impediment.
He can only speak in Palindromes.
As an infant it was easy. He had no problem relating with MOM or DAD.
His siblings even changed their names to ANNA and OTTO so that baby brother could call them by name.
But as he grew, it became increasingly difficult to converse and relate to the Real World.
He matured into a rather twisted genius, and surrendered to the dark side.
I first used him as the Villain in my classic, out-of-print, mini-comic SKA-Toons.
Issue #5 it was, from 1996. I might have a few copies left in boxes somewhere. If you ask me nicely, I might sell you one.
He was a hard character to use in a continuity, because of his weird dialogue. He works much better as a panel cartoon.
I apologize for the small scale of these older cartoons. I scanned them at around 300 pixels wide to make them fit better on the old site. I'll be scanning the new cartoons in a little larger from now on, but as long as I'm transferring from my archives, You'll have to bear with the smaller images.
f-ARTjoke
"Dogs Playing With Fire"
(Inspired by A Friend In Need, and others in the series by Coleridge)
This early piece from 2000 is still my favorite of all of my f-ARTjoke parodies.
I had to use it to inaugurate this new blog direction.
The concept behind f-ARTjoke is simple. I take a famous work of art,
or a famous artist's style, and create a parody of it with a theme of flatulence.
It's kind of a Low-Brow dig at Hi-Brow snootiness. I'm out to make art-snobs
regret having their noses in the air!
If you can't wait for me to post more of these here, you can go to my storefront
and buy a set of the f-ARTjoke mini-comics.
It comes with a Whoopie Cushion on which I'll hand-sketch a cartoon for you! http://geocities.com/bent4toons/store.html
Saturday, November 06, 2004
For some dumb reason, I was thinking about Burl Ives...
...and I wondered, if somebody reminds you of Burl Ives, how do you describe that person? You have to resort to general descriptives, like Husky, Jolly, Grandfatherly, etc. But you can't use a term that would specifically call forth the Burl Ives metaphor.
Burly? Burlish? Burlesque? Ivy? they're all taken.
It's not fair. People who behave like Don Quixote can be "quixotic" -Burlic? Ivesic?
Why aren't folks who resemble Don Ho called Holy?
I guess you run into similar trouble if you want to compare somebody to Noel Coward.
How can you call them Cowardly, and have it sound like a compliment?
...and I wondered, if somebody reminds you of Burl Ives, how do you describe that person? You have to resort to general descriptives, like Husky, Jolly, Grandfatherly, etc. But you can't use a term that would specifically call forth the Burl Ives metaphor.
Burly? Burlish? Burlesque? Ivy? they're all taken.
It's not fair. People who behave like Don Quixote can be "quixotic" -Burlic? Ivesic?
Why aren't folks who resemble Don Ho called Holy?
I guess you run into similar trouble if you want to compare somebody to Noel Coward.
How can you call them Cowardly, and have it sound like a compliment?
Saturday, October 30, 2004
Last Night was Trick-Or-Treat night in our neighborhood, and we had a refreshing rennaisance. In the last couple years, we were lucky if we got twenty kids, and if we had three houses on the block with lights on.
Last Night 59 kids stopped at our door, and looking down the street I saw lights at five other houses. That's still a far cry from the 120 kids we had eight years ago, and when you consider that there are 26 houses on my block, only 6 participating houses is still rather lame.
We had Whoppers and Kit-Kats, and those new Butterfinger Crisp wafer things. I also had set aside some promotional items from the theater; Mini-Posters for "Thunderbirds" and Yu-Gi-Oh promo cards. We got rid of it all, save for about a dozen Butterfingers, and what's left of those will be in my Coat Pockets as i judge our Halloween Parade tomorrow.
I try and be there for the neighborhood kids when it comes to Halloween, if only because I took so much candy out of this neighborhood when I was little. These poor kids today, who came by door with their half-filled bags, would freak out if they saw the neighborhood in the Early 70s, when we'd have to map out a route that brought us back to Homebase halfway through the evening. That pit stop was needed, to dump our full pillowcase of candy, and get another empty for the rest of the neighborhood. (...and maybe to stick a spare mask in a coat pocket, so we could re-visit the house that had the full-size candy bars.)
It wasn't just Halloween when I was little. In the Summer, The mailman usually had a bag of taffys in his truck each day when he came around. If we missed the mailman on his rounds, we could usualy round up a couple deposit bottles, and take them back to the corner gas station, get a dime, and buy an ice cream bar. Now as Parents, my generation recycles everything, and we rob the kids of that little lesson in industriousness.
What I'd like to do for the town at Halloween is DJ on the Square downtown right before the Parade gets there. I certainly have more than enough Halloween-Themed Rock&Roll songs to fill a few hours, and that would be without using most of the obscure songs. Maybe Tomorrow as I'm Judging the parade, I can put a bee in somebody's bonnet for next year.
Speaking of Music, I got up early this morning and went to an auction, where I scored a whole boxful of 50s and 60s Lounge/exotica/easy listening records -about 70 albums and a couple promotional acetates, all in near-mint condition. For a whole $2.00! Perry Como, Doris Day, Engelbert, Dick Hyman, Andre Kostelanetz, Boston Pops, Nat King Cole, Maurice Chevalier, Sophie Tucker, Mother Maybelle Carter, Jimmy Durante, Paul Weston, Johnny Mathis, Art Mooney, Les Elgart, and more! Sure, If I came across this stuff at the thrift store, I'd pass most of it up, but I figure I got much more than my Money's worth on the Jimmy Durante and Maybelle Carter records alone! There are a few weirdos in the group, and you'll seen them soon at http://bentrecords.blogspot.com
Last Night 59 kids stopped at our door, and looking down the street I saw lights at five other houses. That's still a far cry from the 120 kids we had eight years ago, and when you consider that there are 26 houses on my block, only 6 participating houses is still rather lame.
We had Whoppers and Kit-Kats, and those new Butterfinger Crisp wafer things. I also had set aside some promotional items from the theater; Mini-Posters for "Thunderbirds" and Yu-Gi-Oh promo cards. We got rid of it all, save for about a dozen Butterfingers, and what's left of those will be in my Coat Pockets as i judge our Halloween Parade tomorrow.
I try and be there for the neighborhood kids when it comes to Halloween, if only because I took so much candy out of this neighborhood when I was little. These poor kids today, who came by door with their half-filled bags, would freak out if they saw the neighborhood in the Early 70s, when we'd have to map out a route that brought us back to Homebase halfway through the evening. That pit stop was needed, to dump our full pillowcase of candy, and get another empty for the rest of the neighborhood. (...and maybe to stick a spare mask in a coat pocket, so we could re-visit the house that had the full-size candy bars.)
It wasn't just Halloween when I was little. In the Summer, The mailman usually had a bag of taffys in his truck each day when he came around. If we missed the mailman on his rounds, we could usualy round up a couple deposit bottles, and take them back to the corner gas station, get a dime, and buy an ice cream bar. Now as Parents, my generation recycles everything, and we rob the kids of that little lesson in industriousness.
What I'd like to do for the town at Halloween is DJ on the Square downtown right before the Parade gets there. I certainly have more than enough Halloween-Themed Rock&Roll songs to fill a few hours, and that would be without using most of the obscure songs. Maybe Tomorrow as I'm Judging the parade, I can put a bee in somebody's bonnet for next year.
Speaking of Music, I got up early this morning and went to an auction, where I scored a whole boxful of 50s and 60s Lounge/exotica/easy listening records -about 70 albums and a couple promotional acetates, all in near-mint condition. For a whole $2.00! Perry Como, Doris Day, Engelbert, Dick Hyman, Andre Kostelanetz, Boston Pops, Nat King Cole, Maurice Chevalier, Sophie Tucker, Mother Maybelle Carter, Jimmy Durante, Paul Weston, Johnny Mathis, Art Mooney, Les Elgart, and more! Sure, If I came across this stuff at the thrift store, I'd pass most of it up, but I figure I got much more than my Money's worth on the Jimmy Durante and Maybelle Carter records alone! There are a few weirdos in the group, and you'll seen them soon at http://bentrecords.blogspot.com
Monday, October 25, 2004
My Brief Career in Film is over.
I spent most of the afternoon today taking apart movies. Last Night was the closing night at the theater where I'd been employed as projectionist/asst. manager since May.
The last film shown last night was The Bourne Supremacy.
Today we began gutting the theater. I'd taken apart three of the last ten films we'd been showing last night, and today I had to take apart the other seven films, put em back in their cans, and get 'em ready for the distributor to pick up.
The First day I worked there, my first duty was to assemble Kill Bill Vol 2. It was somewhat fitting that the last thing I did on my last day was take apart the Jet Li flick, Hero.
It wasn't a total downer of a day, though.
I found a Mint copy of Martin Denny's Quiet Village LP, and a couple BLOTTO EPs at the Goodwill, and the PEZ I'd Ordered from Steve Glew got here.
I got the European SHREK 2 dispensers, and a PEZ GUN!
Donkey and Shrek came with a pack of Cherry Pez!
I spent most of the afternoon today taking apart movies. Last Night was the closing night at the theater where I'd been employed as projectionist/asst. manager since May.
The last film shown last night was The Bourne Supremacy.
Today we began gutting the theater. I'd taken apart three of the last ten films we'd been showing last night, and today I had to take apart the other seven films, put em back in their cans, and get 'em ready for the distributor to pick up.
The First day I worked there, my first duty was to assemble Kill Bill Vol 2. It was somewhat fitting that the last thing I did on my last day was take apart the Jet Li flick, Hero.
It wasn't a total downer of a day, though.
I found a Mint copy of Martin Denny's Quiet Village LP, and a couple BLOTTO EPs at the Goodwill, and the PEZ I'd Ordered from Steve Glew got here.
I got the European SHREK 2 dispensers, and a PEZ GUN!
Donkey and Shrek came with a pack of Cherry Pez!
Friday, October 15, 2004
The Lion King Pez Dispensers have arrived.
I just found these at the Dollar Tree near my House this afternoon. New Pez!
I only saw these five. Why No Rafiki?
Pez is really cranking out the New dispenser designs these last couple years. I guess it's in direct response to the collector interest in the old ones. It used to be there'd be maybe One All-New set of dispensers a year, One Licensed Set, and maybe there'd be a few minor changes to the Holiday assortments at Halloween, Christmas and Easter. You could get thru the year only having to buy maybe ten dispensers, and still be a completist.
Nowadays, They seem to do two or three Licensed sets a year for the U.S., and maybe another three or four sets for Europe and Canada, and then there's at least one set of Pez original designs added also. Just to keep up with the standard dispensers, you need to buy upwards of forty to fifty dispensers a year.
That's not counting all the special dispensers from CapCom and other companies, the watches, keychains, flashlights, partyfavors, cereal box prizes, etc. Not to mention the special limited edition promoyional giveaways and Premiums, and the exclusive dispensers offered at Pez.com, and the color variants, and the special see-thru special editions....etc.
I think that they've entered the realm of the "manufactured collectible" here, and since I hardly can finish the candy before another new dispenser hits the stores, I'm going to scale back my collecting to only those standard designs that I find in stores. besides, i need to get a new storage cabinet because i don't have space to display the ones I have now.
Monday, October 11, 2004
I'd Started bringing the stale Popcorn home to feed the birds...
...and ended up feeding the squirrels and other wildlife in our yard as well.
This morning, I watched in amazement as one of the larger squirrels foraged on the popcorn I'd scattered over our mulch pile in the corner of the yard. Less than four feet away, perched on the fence, watching the squirrel, was one of the Falcons that has moved into our neighborhood.
It's so cool to see a wild falcon in my backyard. The weird thing was, the squirrel didn't seem to be afraid. It calmly selected a kernel, and then scampered up the fence into the Wistaria, and safely nibbled. The Falcon must have decided then to select an easier meal, and flew towards the front yard, which brought it right past the window from where I watched. Better than a three-foot wingspan, easily.
The squirrel then calmly scampered back down for another kernel.
If I don't find work in another theater, I'm soon going to have to make fresh popcorn at home for the critters. At least then i can make it without salt, perhaps. Then I can put it on the grass in other areas of the lawn without worrying about the salt ruining the grass.
...and ended up feeding the squirrels and other wildlife in our yard as well.
This morning, I watched in amazement as one of the larger squirrels foraged on the popcorn I'd scattered over our mulch pile in the corner of the yard. Less than four feet away, perched on the fence, watching the squirrel, was one of the Falcons that has moved into our neighborhood.
It's so cool to see a wild falcon in my backyard. The weird thing was, the squirrel didn't seem to be afraid. It calmly selected a kernel, and then scampered up the fence into the Wistaria, and safely nibbled. The Falcon must have decided then to select an easier meal, and flew towards the front yard, which brought it right past the window from where I watched. Better than a three-foot wingspan, easily.
The squirrel then calmly scampered back down for another kernel.
If I don't find work in another theater, I'm soon going to have to make fresh popcorn at home for the critters. At least then i can make it without salt, perhaps. Then I can put it on the grass in other areas of the lawn without worrying about the salt ruining the grass.
Saturday, October 09, 2004
It's Official. Penn State Sucks yet again. They're off to a great 2 and 4 start, and, at 0 and 3 in the Big Ten, make the kids at Northwestern proud of themselves again.
I want Joe Paterno to give me back the hours of my life I've wasted watching his shitty teams these last few years.
I need to reconfirm my belief that Professional Athletes are merely Prostitutes, doing things with their bodies for money that most of us would do for fun.
To extrapolate, I guess then that Amateur and College athletes are just Sluts.
There are just to many better things to do on a Sunny Fall Saturday Afternoon.
I want Joe Paterno to give me back the hours of my life I've wasted watching his shitty teams these last few years.
I need to reconfirm my belief that Professional Athletes are merely Prostitutes, doing things with their bodies for money that most of us would do for fun.
To extrapolate, I guess then that Amateur and College athletes are just Sluts.
There are just to many better things to do on a Sunny Fall Saturday Afternoon.
Well, My Brief Career in the "Entertainment Industry" may be near its end...
I found out yesterday that the Second-Run theater at which I've been Assistant Managing since May will be closing October 24. The Mall we're in, which is practically empty, and fondly referred to by myself as "Mall Of The Dead" is slated to be torn down and redeveloped, and the new plans don't include a theater. Shame.
This theater, which opened in January of 1974 as a United Artists tri-plex, and became a five-plex by December of the same year was one of my favorite places to hang out as a kid. I was really enjoying showing 2-dollar movies in the place where I saw Gumball Rally, 1941, The Jerk, Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, Rocky Horror, Young Frankenstein, and The Great Scout and Cathouse Thursday. The Latter film, with Lee Marvin, was my first R film. My cousin took me to it when I was 12. My first tits on film were in that picture.
United Artists closed down there in 1998, and the place reopened shortly thereafter as a second-run house. My company took it over in 2002.
As I come to think of it, this was the last of the places I used to hang out in before I left for College that was still standing. Four of the town's old malls have died and been redeveloped into new, different retail sites. Four of the old 70s bowling alleys are gone. All three of our Drive-ins (four, if you count the X-rated Drive-In) are gone, turned into Housing developments or shopping centers. The Old ice Rink is now the Roller Rink, and of the old roller rinks, one burnt down, and the other, now vacant, will be demolished with my mall. The old community swimming pool no longer has a deep end, for fear of lawsuits. Even most of the bars I frequented in the 1980s are gone.
About all that's left are the graveyards we used to whistle past.
Well anyway, the owner of my Theater says she wants to open a new location somewhere in York, but I don't know of an existing venue, and if she finds one, I don't see her having it open before January. She's keeping her theater in Harrisburg, 30 miles away, open. My boss is moving up there to take charge of that one. He says he might have to "clean house" up there, and could have a spot for me (I mentioned a corresponding raise to make up for the $4 a day more I'd have to spend on gas alone,) but otherwise I'm eligible for unemployment. I guess the upside is that I should get more per week than when I got canned from Papa John's because the UC folks didn't calculate tips into my earnings.
Still, I'd rather not have to look for work again.
I felt like going out tonight to happy hour at the tittybar, to lift my spirits, but instead, I drove over to Lancaster County, and searched the record bins at their Goodwill outlets. I found about 27 albums on vinyl ranging between 25 and 75 cents each, and even a CD of Lou Reed's Transformer for just a quarter! So I'm not feeling too bad.
Some of the albums I found today are strange enough that they'll end up on my other blog. You can check it out here:
http://bentrecords.blogspot.com
I found out yesterday that the Second-Run theater at which I've been Assistant Managing since May will be closing October 24. The Mall we're in, which is practically empty, and fondly referred to by myself as "Mall Of The Dead" is slated to be torn down and redeveloped, and the new plans don't include a theater. Shame.
This theater, which opened in January of 1974 as a United Artists tri-plex, and became a five-plex by December of the same year was one of my favorite places to hang out as a kid. I was really enjoying showing 2-dollar movies in the place where I saw Gumball Rally, 1941, The Jerk, Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, Rocky Horror, Young Frankenstein, and The Great Scout and Cathouse Thursday. The Latter film, with Lee Marvin, was my first R film. My cousin took me to it when I was 12. My first tits on film were in that picture.
United Artists closed down there in 1998, and the place reopened shortly thereafter as a second-run house. My company took it over in 2002.
As I come to think of it, this was the last of the places I used to hang out in before I left for College that was still standing. Four of the town's old malls have died and been redeveloped into new, different retail sites. Four of the old 70s bowling alleys are gone. All three of our Drive-ins (four, if you count the X-rated Drive-In) are gone, turned into Housing developments or shopping centers. The Old ice Rink is now the Roller Rink, and of the old roller rinks, one burnt down, and the other, now vacant, will be demolished with my mall. The old community swimming pool no longer has a deep end, for fear of lawsuits. Even most of the bars I frequented in the 1980s are gone.
About all that's left are the graveyards we used to whistle past.
Well anyway, the owner of my Theater says she wants to open a new location somewhere in York, but I don't know of an existing venue, and if she finds one, I don't see her having it open before January. She's keeping her theater in Harrisburg, 30 miles away, open. My boss is moving up there to take charge of that one. He says he might have to "clean house" up there, and could have a spot for me (I mentioned a corresponding raise to make up for the $4 a day more I'd have to spend on gas alone,) but otherwise I'm eligible for unemployment. I guess the upside is that I should get more per week than when I got canned from Papa John's because the UC folks didn't calculate tips into my earnings.
Still, I'd rather not have to look for work again.
I felt like going out tonight to happy hour at the tittybar, to lift my spirits, but instead, I drove over to Lancaster County, and searched the record bins at their Goodwill outlets. I found about 27 albums on vinyl ranging between 25 and 75 cents each, and even a CD of Lou Reed's Transformer for just a quarter! So I'm not feeling too bad.
Some of the albums I found today are strange enough that they'll end up on my other blog. You can check it out here:
http://bentrecords.blogspot.com
Monday, September 27, 2004
Saturday, September 25, 2004
I've grown pretty bored with this blog
I wouldn't read it to my dog.
It needs a new gimmerick
like posting in limerick,
to give its charisma a jog.
I'm off on a Saturday Night.
I'm broke and the TV ain't right.
The Brit-TV re-runs
have given me the runs
that squirt cause my asshole is tight.
I bet that you think that it's funny
Because you have plenty of money,
You're out on a Date
while I sit here and wait
for a trip to the bowl that ain't runny.
I hope you're convulsing with laughter,
and you're happy to the ever after,
But if you think there's truth in
These poems I do within
my basement -I'm crazy?- You're Dafter.
I wouldn't read it to my dog.
It needs a new gimmerick
like posting in limerick,
to give its charisma a jog.
I'm off on a Saturday Night.
I'm broke and the TV ain't right.
The Brit-TV re-runs
have given me the runs
that squirt cause my asshole is tight.
I bet that you think that it's funny
Because you have plenty of money,
You're out on a Date
while I sit here and wait
for a trip to the bowl that ain't runny.
I hope you're convulsing with laughter,
and you're happy to the ever after,
But if you think there's truth in
These poems I do within
my basement -I'm crazy?- You're Dafter.
Monday, September 20, 2004
Long Time, No See, Revisited.
Hello again. Half of the Susquehanna Valley is still flooded with the rains of Ivan, but I live on High Ground, in an Ivory Tower. All we got was a lot of wind and rain, and nicer, cooler sleeping weather as the high built in behind the system. If not for Mom and Dad letting me keep my aprtment in the basement, I might be in worse straits. I might have been living in the proverbial Van by the River. Well at least I would be in a new neighborhood now if that were the case.
Today my shampoo was jellied again for the first time in several months. That's a sure sign of cooler weather. I still wore shorts when I went out record shopping, though. I like how I look in shorts. Like a weird old guy in shorts. White ones. After Labor Day. Iconoclast.
If you want to see the kind of stuff I buy, visit my other blog:
http://bentrecords.blogspot.com
That's where I spend more time these days.
Hello again. Half of the Susquehanna Valley is still flooded with the rains of Ivan, but I live on High Ground, in an Ivory Tower. All we got was a lot of wind and rain, and nicer, cooler sleeping weather as the high built in behind the system. If not for Mom and Dad letting me keep my aprtment in the basement, I might be in worse straits. I might have been living in the proverbial Van by the River. Well at least I would be in a new neighborhood now if that were the case.
Today my shampoo was jellied again for the first time in several months. That's a sure sign of cooler weather. I still wore shorts when I went out record shopping, though. I like how I look in shorts. Like a weird old guy in shorts. White ones. After Labor Day. Iconoclast.
If you want to see the kind of stuff I buy, visit my other blog:
http://bentrecords.blogspot.com
That's where I spend more time these days.
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